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  • Writer's pictureDr. Ethel Chiles

Be Honest With Yourself

In a recent conversation with someone who read my book, I was asked, “how does it feel sharing the trials you faced in relationships – doesn't it bother you to share it?” However, in the same conversation, she told me how much the messages in the book ministered to her and helped her. I smiled and looked at her to say, “you just answered your own question because if sharing my message helps someone else – I am not bothered at all”. It becomes encouraging when you realize that others have experienced some of the same struggles. Part of your defeat is feeling that no one else has faced what you are going through.

So often your struggles with relationships and in life appear to be so much bigger than they really are because you think that no one else has gone through the same struggles. I recently read an account of someone who openly shared about their struggles with depression and it blessed my heart because that is a person who has understood how important it is to be honest with yourself and that in doing so, you have been chosen to bless millions because everyone is not free enough to share their trials for the purpose of helping someone else.

You cannot make someone love you. All you can really offer is to be someone who can be loved. There is no ten-step program to make sure you find the right person for your life. Some of you are in relationships now where you will not tell anyone some of the things you put up with just to have what you think is the right person in your life. I asked my sister once, “How can I tell this is really the right man?” Her advice made me laugh but it was awesome. She said place some imaginary tape over his mouth; then evaluate what you have left. What do their actions say? How does he treat you and what is he doing to make sure you know that you are a priority in his life? Be honest with yourself in answering the question, “what do you see?”

We will sometimes feel that we have to lower our standards and morals if we do not feel whole without someone else. Don’t be desperate, wait on God and while you are waiting, don’t allow impatience to make you lie to yourself. Be honest with yourself so that God can place something real and lasting in your life because love is more than a good feeling – it is a commitment.

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